Working out at home

We aren't talking chewing yet. Still motivation foundation!! I am trying to make this more interesting than a mass college lecture on a Friday afternoon. Like a couple times before, I woke up thinking, "holy hell I'm tired of being a fatass!" And there begins this chapter.

As you know, generally speaking, I workout at home. The reasons are simple: I am gassy and I don't have much time. I am really gassy. My friend Shannon and I frequently share of our gassy times. As a side note, Dutch is also gassy. He licks his paws incessantly and it fuels his "boat." people LOVE coming over and having Dutch nearby. Ahh, the smells of...well, shit.

I really have no excuses when working out at home. I don't have to brush my teeth in the morning to workout and I sure don't have to have that cuteness factor to my workout outfits (and believe me, there is absolutely NO cuteness to what appears to be a lion's mane aura'ing my head at 4:30 in the morning wearing an old Ames High shirt and giant sweatpants). It's just me and whomever I am "dating" with the occasional audience of my very own fan club of four.

Speaking of which, I am currently dating Chalene Johnson and the TurboFire team. I love it. I haven't had this great of a workout program since 1998 and Billy Blanks. The beauty of TurboFire is it comes with a schedule. I don't guess what DVD to do next. I like that structure.

In addition to Chalene and Billy, I have a plethora of videos, yes some still on VHS. Yes, we have a VCR. Yes, some have been eaten recently. I have listed all the different things I have at my disposal when workout time draws near.
Tae Bo - yep, that one where his irritating daughter is in the advanced tape and the "boob sweat" girl
10 Minute Fix Cardio Hip-Hop - let's be very clear I AM THE WORLD'S WORST DANCER. However, I pretend I am the greatest for forty minutes. This DVD is broken out into ten minute segments, perfect for a little pick me up.
Billy Blanks JR's dance video - again, being very VERY clear: BAD DANCER. JR isn't too bad, dated him for a spell until Chalene arrived. Another one broken out into ten minute segments.
Yoga - I can't even begin to list all of the DVDs and VHS tapes I have if these. Love yoga, particularly the Gaiam brand and Suzanne Deason.
Gazelle by Tony Little - yes, I own one!!! Google it if you don't know what it is. I have had this gem for almost eight years. Great buy for me, doesn't take up a lot of room, good for sweating and toning the bootay.
Wii Fit - along with multiple video games for keeping it moving, but my library does not include Just Dance or Zumba. I tried both, but don't enjoy either.
DDR - Dance Dance Revolution for PS2, nope, dance skills haven't improved with the DVDs, but it is less like dancing and more like stepping to the beat. I pretend a lot with this one.
Balance Ball - on VHS. Good stuff, but if you aren't familiar with it, best to familiarize before you do and to also do ALONE. You may fall off, your dog may be delighted by the giant ball and knock it out from underneath you, your child may have the same delight and decide it is a good idea to run up and kick said ball while your head is dangling over one side.
Pilates - I only have a couple. It's not by accident. If you want to find out EXACTLY how weak your core is, then do Pilates. I don't like anyone seeing me do Pilates because I shake like I have hypothermia.
Bicycle - in the garage and let's be honest, I think it has been hanging upside down in the garage, next to Brett's (Partner In Crime #1), for seven years.
Resist-a-bands - I do have toning DVDs made by the Gaiam company

Again, there aren't any excuses for me not to workout. I wake at 4:30, do my thing and then usually around 7:30, I do my thing again. I will tell you that it is NOT easy to do this. I want the extra hour or more of sleep and I want to watch reruns of True Blood while snuggled under a blanket eating buttery popcorn with plain M&Ms. When I feel like this, I simply grab my belly flab and jiggle it a few times in the most non-sexy way I can. I realize that no one is going to do it for me, there isn't a magical Fat Fairy that zaps your flab while you sleep and most importantly, no one can motivate me but me. I have heard it a lot of times, "I would workout if someone would do it with me!" I think that is bogus. Sure, it's nice to walk with a friend or take a class with a friend, but what happens when the friend can't make it, is just too tired or simply bails on you? Do you follow suit? Or do you pick up and push on? You MUST push on!! No one can do it for you. No one can make you get up and get moving. Only you can do these things. Orrrr, if you want to pay someone to beat you senseless when you don't follow through, then do it, it's your money.

To all of you near and far and in the Netherlands, until next time...